Dāka Karuṇā
दाक करुणा
Introduction
The unevolved man will see no difference between f***ing and having sex and making love; for him they’re all the same, and the goal is simply to make his partner cum and to cum himself. The process gives way to the outcome: cumming.[1]It’s a performance activity, what we would call a performative; the individuals are defined by their roles: top, bottom; active, passive, male, female, etc. In the performative role, there is no conversation, roles are static, there is no evidence of conversation. Think: porn.
Homoerotic Tantra is an erotospiritual practice and involves the triad of mind, body, and spirit. In order to derive the whole range of benefits from the practices and rituals, you must suspend any form of judgement, you must trust your partner completely, you must be willing to be authentic (genuine and truthful), self-forgetful (leave the ego at the door). You must be willing to surrender to your partner, and accept your responses and reactions with abandonment and freedom. In our homoerotic Tantra session we will join other esoteric traditions of erotospiritual practices that are conceived to overcome the separation of sacred (spiritual) and profane (physical sexual) love.
As Tantrika (तान्त्रिक), as sādhaka-s (साधक) sex and fucking, and making love are poles apart; western cultural conditioning and masculine freedom are also poles apart. Real men fuck. Real men are tops. Real men are fake imitations of truly masculine men. Real truly masculine men are Tantric Lovers and follow the yogic tantric kṣatriyadharma (क्षत्रियधर्म) and vīramārga (वीरमार्ग), the paths of the warrior and the hero, respectively. The tantric Warrior and the tantric Hero are in a state of balanced and harmonious ŚivaŚakti , the masculine and feminine principles are expressed and complementary.
We can say that in Tantra (तन्त्र) the celebration of love is the process, the ritual becomes the celebration of love, the joining is the divine union, the maithuna (मैथुन). The mathematics is esoteric: 1 + 1 = 1. The Śiva/Giver becomes the Śakti/Receiver: Śiva + Śakti = ŚivaŚakti.
In other words, sex is a biological, an instinctual behavior whose sole purpose is to take 1 + 1 = 3 or 1 + 1 = n; the tantric celebration of homoerotic love give the formula 1 + 1 = 1.
Fucking and sex may be the same thing or they may be different: Fucking, if we take a moment to visualize what happens during fucking, is a power and control relationship: the giver is in power and controls the receiver, who is passive in the relationship. Having human-to-human sex is, in essence, fucking.
When the Tantric Lovers come together, however, the entire interaction starts with the namaskara (नमस्कार), the veneration of the divine within the Tantric Lover; the very first action of the homoerotic tantric celebration of love between the Tantric Lovers is veneration, a dedication of adoration, and the ritual proceeds from that intention, the intention of worship and adoration of the Tantric Lover, to its culmination in the maithuna (मैथुन). The entire tantric ritual is an awakening of the divine masculine spirit, the erotic subtle energies, the channeling of the awakened energies through sensory and emotional sharing, leading to the ultimate union of the Tantric Lovers and the sharing of the erotic subtle energies and the elixir of life, the śukra (शुक्र).
Tantric love ritual is a saṃgīti (संगीति), a concert, symphony, harmony; conversation, performed by the Tantric Lovers in their physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual aspects.
Even individually, the symphony and communication supports the fact that since I don’t know your instrument as well as I know my own — an obvious, but much overlooked fact — so I have to hear from you about how something feels or what you are feeling: the conversation begins, verbally and nonverbally.
Think of conversation as sharing, communication, feedback, responsiveness, as soon as you say conversation — sharing, communication, feedback, response — you are saying “partners.” As soon as you say partners, you’re saying it’s not a one-off event. Partners want to please, complement, and compliment one another. If they don’t, then it’s not a partnership; it’s just two individuals occupying the same space each interested in his own needs; it then becomes fucking.
Fucking and making love are poles apart; western cultural conditioning and masculine freedom are also poles apart. Real men fuck. Real men are tops. Real men are fake imitations of truly masculine men. Real truly masculine men are Tantric Lovers and follow the yogic tantric kṣatriyadharma (क्षत्रियधर्म) and vīramārga (वीरमार्ग), the paths of the warrior and the hero, respectively. The tantric Warrior and the tantric Hero are in a state of balanced and harmonious ŚivaŚakti , the masculine and feminine principles are freely and openly expressed, and complementary. The men portrayed in the Genêt film are captive Warriors.
I find that the toxic cultural conditioning and the oppression of the masculine spirit are at the basis of the male’s false expectations and altered self-awareness (and his resort to the psychological defenses of denial and avoidance; drugs, alcohol, and, of course, outward homophobia). I think it also has a lot to do with concepts of age and maturity as dictated by that same toxic cultural conditioning in the sense of agism, the idolatry of youth. But as a man ages he accrues the distinctions of age, just as a wine mellowed by aging comes to full expression of its best qualities. Those same distinctions are also the distinctions of social and erotic sanity and wisdom. When I was a 20-something I certainly had my share of insane moments, and slept with plenty of similar crazies in the drunkenness of debauchery and lack of restraint. But the undisputable fact is that you’ve got to be sober to enjoy the most expensive and rarest wines. If you are crazy drunk, even plunk will appeal to you. If all you know is plunk, that’s all you’ll seek and all you’ll expect.[2] As a man ages, he awakens out of the drunken stupor of ignorance, he sobers up to awakened, sharpened senses, sanity, and wisdom.
The West has not yet awakened; there was something very deep and esoteric about the Greeks and man-boy love, the relationship of the erastes with his erômenos; the master and the disciple.
Do you know the difference between fucking and authentic erotic conversation in the physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual planes? Have you ever thought about it? The first time I thought about it was when I saw Eddie Murphy Raw.[3] Murphy gets caught by his girlfriend while he’s in bed with another woman. In the film Murphy’s defense to her: “Yes, I fucked her! I fucked her! But I make love to you.” So I guess there’s a real differentiation there that can even forgive unfaithfulness, at least in the minds of the Eddie Murphy’s of the world. I thought to myself what a bullshitting asshole. He was fucking and that’s all he knew but he tries to pass it off as something more evolved to save his sleazy ass. Common. All too common.
Fucking is the physical unembellished act of sexual intercourse. The men portrayed in the Genêt film, Un Chant d’Amour are not “fucking” they are actually conversing, even with the voyeur guard; the guard even participates in the conversation as is evident in the fantasy scenes. Although the prisoners are solitary and their only outlet is conversation through the wall, fantasy and masturbation. Somehow, the erotic scenes do not portray vulgarity, fucking, but the exchange of homoerotic sensuality, men surrendering to homoeroticism and masculine love; it is a portrayal of mutuality, of bonding, a reinforcement of the masculine spirit and reverence of and surrender to another man. In other scenes involving the prison guard, there is nuanced brutality and control (voyeurism as an invasion; fellating the pistol is violence), society’s response to homoeroticism, but even the guard is a party to homoerotic fantasies.
Most men are voyeurs: they love watching themselves take control, performing, finishing — in their minds. That’s part of what I called performative; they are performing for themselves, titillating themselves in a sort of private pornography, their partner playing the part of little more than a blow-up rubber manikin. It’s a terrible waste; two glorious, beautiful spirits reduced to sweating, grunting lumps of clay. Copulating brainless corpses.
Now, I want to ask you again: Do you know the difference between fucking and making love?
Fucking is not the same as celebrating love; they can and should be considered incompatible opposites. Celebrating love is celebrated passionately with surrender to and total consideration of your partner. I would even go so far to say that if you are totally focused on your Tantric Lover, you can even make love in solo-cultivation, that is, by concentrating your mind on your Tantric Lover, you can masturbate and celebrate love with him. This is part of the fantasizing and masturbation we see in the Genêt film. The prisoners are physically but not emotionally and spiritually separated from their lovers. The imagery in Un Chant d’Amour (“A Love Song”) is compelling and moving. Celebrating love is a process enacted with relaxation, giving more time for sensuality and awareness of your partner’s emotional and physical needs and desires. In the Christian New Testament Pastoral Letter, Corinthians, we read that love is, amongst other things, patient, selfless, honoring, and protecting. Homoerotic love, to me, embodies those features and much more, and it resides in the conversation between the two men, a partnership enhanced with a sense of intimacy. Celebrating homoerotic tantric love is a symphony, finely orchestrated, a richness of melodies and motifs, all notes in sync and harmony. Fucking is sex that is intense, aggressive, fast, and more about power and taking control. Fucking is an activity aimed only at satisfying animal needs; the goal is to cum. Fucking is a coldly tinny band performance.
You can play one note or perform a symphony. The symphony communicates depth, meaning, and emotion; the symphony is a conversation between the notes and the listener. The symphony of homoerotic tantric love enriches the sacred partnership. A one-note performance is a path to boredom. In the homoerotic tantric love celebration, each partner is a virtuoso musician bringing forth sheer magic from his instrument, his physical body, to awaken subtle energies, deep emotions, masculine spirituality, and ultimately ecstasy and bliss. As a homoerotic artist, I don’t know your instrument as well as I know my own, so I need communication, conversation, feedback from you.
Is eroticism and sensuality different in the relationship of the Tantric Lovers, as opposed to any other relationship, or uncommitted plunk? Here’s the short answer: It’s better. For the more complete response, I’d like again use the symphony analogy. It’s a whole orchestra when you’re in the homoerotic tantric relationship as Tantric Lovers; your music contains an infinity of different erotosensual notes and colourful tones and hues, some of them quite deep and dark, others luminous and airy. When celebrating the homoerotic tantric rituals you experience them all. When you are uncommitted to your partner, the interaction is not conversation, it’s more like a harsh and metallic unpracticed band performance.
Commitment is Contagious
The beauty and benefit of the homoerotic tantric relationship is that the homoerotic commitment is contagious. If there is an intention of mutual commitment in the relationship, whether the relationship is “for the benefits” for the duration of a single session or during a workshop, or in a long-term homoerotic tantric partnership, there should be a balance, a sense of harmony between the practitioners. When there is conversation and a clear intention, as there is in homoerotic tantric ritual, the two men allow themselves to open up and to act selflessly, to both celebrate the ritual as Giver/Receiver, ŚivaŚakti simultaneously and reciprocally. The commitment is contagious and leads to a greater emotional and spiritual connection between the partners. It is important for the man who wants that special connection to share the spotlight with his partner.
Internal disharmony: Bicurious and Gaycurious
Some men use the terms “bicurious” and “gay-curious” to “explain” their exploration of homoerotic connection with another man. Those terms are or should be offensive. I define both as “excuse curious,” a way to say “I want to have impersonal sex with a man for the selfish reason of satisfying my own needs — even if I cannot openly admit those needs and desires, and may even deny them — I want to satisfy them, and will make them acceptable by calling myself just ‘curious’.” “Bicurious” and “gay-curious” are synonyms for the inability to acknowledge one’s true orientation. Both terms identify a schizoid man, who doesn’t have the courage to get off the fence and stop living a lie; he’s living a double life. He’s not free; he’s suppressed and only half of a potential person. He’s on the path to paranoia; everyone is watching him and he can exist as himself only in the shadows, like a fugitive. But he’s a fugitive from himself, and there’s no place to hide from yourself.
Toxic cultural conditioning has caused some men to live the lie of “bicurious” or “just gay-curious,” depriving them of the freedom to be true to themselves, to be self-aware, and to forcing them to deny self-knowledge, that is, to make childish excuses for not being the men they are by nature intended to be.
In the honest and truly satisfying homoerotic tantric relationship, the attraction and for that matter, the entire relationship needs to be securely founded on the inherent and inner qualities of the partner, since those are the things that seem to outlast the physical. As an example, I’d cite the works of the French homoerotic writer, Jean Genêt, who wrote about men and their homoerotic relationships, and society’s response. All the men were extraordinary beauties. In his writing, Genêt portrays male beauty while acknowledging that we may suffer, and our bodies may be fragile, break down, and change. But the men remain true to their spirits. This is similar to what takes place in the sharing experience between men in a committed relationship, whether the mutuality is for a short window of engagement in the Eternal Now (as in a session or a workshop) or whether he and his Tantric Lover are committed for the long term. The mutual intention of commitment makes the relationship somehow more special to them, it becomes an intimate conversation in the Eternal Now, and it gives society permission to take a walk.
A Dāka Aside
In the homoerotic yogic Tantra (तन्त्र) celebration of love, I have selected a number of yuganaddhāsana-s (joining positions) for the maithuna (मैथुन, divine union). The illustrated yuganaddhāsana-s (union positions of the Tantric Lovers) can be downloaded, or viewed from the private Homoerotic Tantra℠ site. Request access at gay.daka.karuna@gmail.com.
Epilogue
We’ve all been there and done that. Some of us have taken the experience and decided that we needed more than a moment of corpse copulation. We homoerotic Tantrikas are seekers; seekers who are aware that we can awaken the divine masculine spirit in our Tantric Lover, transcend the ordinary and the conventional, wage war on cultural conditioning, and experience ecstasy in the arms of another Warrior. There is a huge difference between what most men experience in what they call love, it’s the difference between an orchestrated symphony and a tinny pirated recording played over worn out speakers. You, the tantric Warrior, have chosen the kṣatriyadharma (क्षत्रियधर्म) the Warrior’s Path, and the vīramārga (वीरमार्ग), the Hero’s Path; the physical, emotional, and spiritual experience of homoerotic lalitābhinaya (ललिताभिनय, graceful erotic performance) and the ānandatāṇḍava (आनन्दताण्डव, joyful dance of Lord Śiva) is yours to experience, share, and live. In the sādhanā‑s, the sādhanā exercises, the practices and the rituals of Homoerotic Tantra℠ and Mascul-IN-Touch℠ you participate in physical, emotional, and spiritual evolution. You are on the paths to transformation, ecstasy, bliss; you are to become the evolved man, an avatāra (अवतार, incarnation) of Lord Śiva.
Notes
[1] Throughout this article I avoid the phrase “making love” because the lovers do not “make” the love nor do they “do” the love; the love already exists and binds the two Tantric Lovers, providing the opportunity to celebrate that love in homoerotic tantric ritual, and so, I use the preferred phrase of “celebrate love.”
[2] Urban dictionary definition of plunk: a small deposit of dried semen within the urethra, just below the japs eye (meatus) causing temporary multi-directional urination; intercourse; the act of having casual meaningless sex; a very inexpensive, poor quality wine.
[3] Eddie Murphy Raw is a 1987 American stand-up comedy film starring Eddie Murphy and directed by Robert Townsend.
Your Guide Daka Karuna: An Introduction 